


the pieces we hold

by fiftysecond



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe, Childhood Friends, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up Together, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Saphael, Summer, kinda angst and just read it for yourself, nothing too serious, sand castles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-27 23:34:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10819092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiftysecond/pseuds/fiftysecond
Summary: And, as they parted ways, their eyes held a promise to each other.To live in a world without darkness.-Childhood Sweethearts (kinda) au where they start off as enemies then became friends then to lovers. But, is that really all?-(Based on the tumblr prompt “You destroyed my sand castle and are now attempting to defend yourself by insulting my hard work. Oops, didn’t mean to dump a pail of water on your head.”)





	the pieces we hold

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys! this is based on a tumblr prompt you can find [here](https://writing-central.tumblr.com/post/159439061798/au). i meant to upload this a week ago, but i was too lazy so here it is. this is kinda based on Adele's Someone Like You. also, this isn't edited/proofread (because as i said, im too lazy) so feel free to point out my mistakes!

_"Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?"_

 

_~_

 

The Lewis family wasn't really that fond of the beach.

 

In the summer, they don't do much things most families would frequently do. Just hang out in the house, watch movies, have a fight over the food, while the siblings—Rebecca and Simon—would have a squabble over the TV remote. Becky was a few years older than her brother, so most of the time she would totally win their petty fight, which resulted to Simon glaring angrily at his sister and then shouting for their parents.

 

Their little family bonding means they would wander around, take the kids to fascinating places, have the occasional picnic on some park. Sometimes, they would camp on the front yard and watch the starry sky, their parents pointing at constellations. After their small adventures, they go back home feeling happy and contented. Their way of bonding was quite simple, but it never bothered anyone of them.

 

One summer, when Simon was just lounging lazily on the couch, watching a film with his sister, a family moved in on the house next to theirs—it was formerly occupied by another family they weren't inclined about. The said family had moved out when they had found someone who was interested to buy their house. A week later, a woman with flaming red hair, holding the wrist of a girl that looked like Simon's age stepped out of a car followed by moving vans, with a man behind her who Simon suspected was her husband, and entered their neighbor's house.

 

Since then, Simon and Clary—the redhead girl—became the best of friends.

 

Their visit to the beach wasn't really intentional. A year later after they had become best friends, Simon and Clary had just finished watching a movie which involved the sea and the sand, and the two were instantly captivated by the mere sight of it. They had not gone to beaches yet, so they didn't know what it feels like to be out there, surrounded by people and the sound of the waves, the sand soft beneath their feet—or so it looks like in the movies. They were more fascinated by the sand castles the movie showed. Simon and Clary's gazes met for a second, and in an instant, they both knew what the other was thinking.

 

They blurted out at dinner that night to each of their families, exclaiming how they would love to go to the beach. Elaine looked curiously at her son, while at the neighboring house, Luke gave Clary a puzzled glance. Surprisingly, their parents agreed.

 

The day after the next, they were now on the road to the sea.

 

The two families—the Lewises and the Fairchilds—were crammed in Luke's van. Luke was driving, Jocelyn was on the seat next to his, and the rest were in the back, chattering. Rebecca and Clary seemed to have teamed up against Simon over their favorite Star Wars characters. Simon and Rebecca's parents were having some kind of adult conversation—or so it seems to the kids.

 

After what seemed like an hour, they finally arrived at their destination. The group got out of the van excitedly. The weather was perfect—the sun shining all over the place, but the heat wasn't harsh, it was relaxing. The sea breeze was cool as it touched their cheeks softly, teasingly. Not too many people were on the beach, which made everything better.

 

In no time at all, the kids were running along the shore, carefree laughter escaping their lips. Their parents were not with them—Jocelyn was drawing something in her sketchpad, Elaine was reading a book, while the dads were out in the sea.

 

"Psst, Simon," Clary said. "Let's build a sand castle."

 

Simon's eyes lit up. Ever since he had heard about sand castles, he had yearned to build one.

 

He turned to his sister, giving her what he hoped was cute pleading look. "Can we build one?"

 

Rebecca breathed exasperatedly, though it was half-hearted. "I don't see why not. Do we have a pail, or something we can use?"

 

Simon and Clary beamed. "We can ask mom," Simon said.

 

As it turns out, Elaine Lewis didn't have a bucket. Clary's mom, however, did have one. "It's in the van," she said. "I'll go get it. You three wait here."

 

Elaine raised an eyebrow at the trio. _Sand castles?_ She mouthed. Nevertheless, she went back to reading her book.

 

Luke's van wasn't that far; it only took Jocelyn a few minutes to find the children's sand castle building tools, which were simply a bucket and shovel with a size enough for their age. The three perked up when they saw her walking back toward them, holding the bucket and the shovel. Clary reached out to her mom when she stopped in front of them, but Jocelyn held it up high enough for her daughter not to reach it. "Yeah, no. Rebecca will be the one to hold it."

 

Clary pouted, but agreed. They started looking for a place to build. Simon elbowed his sister on the ribs when he saw a grin spreading across her face.

 

"Just because Clary's mom handed you the pail doesn't mean you have the authority to order us around," he hissed.

 

"Ooh, authority," Rebecca flashed him a smirk. "And who exactly are you to lecture me on authority?"

 

Simon knew his sister was only teasing him, but he still groaned. He was hoping that when they're here on the beach, Rebecca would finally stop bothering him, too enthralled by the wonders of the open sea. Apparently not. Simon opened his mouth to shot back something at his sister when Clary stopped walking. He nearly crashed into his best friend's back.

 

Clary turned to the siblings. "We're going to build here!" she announced.

 

Rebecca and Simon peered over Clary. The spot she had chosen was clearly a perfect place for a sand castle to be built upon it. It was also near another sand castle, where three kids surrounded it. One boy looked about Clary and Simon's age, and the others were undoubtedly his siblings.

 

The three set to work. Rebecca would go and fetch water from the sea, while the other two would (try to) build the sand castle. Surprisingly enough, Rebecca would help them form it, innovating and organizing so it would be better looking. Beside their little group, the other bunch of siblings would laugh occasionally at something stupid their oldest brother was telling them about.

 

Just as Simon and Clary was putting their finishing touches to their castle—just a few seashells they found scattered everywhere on the sand—when something—no, someone—toppled over their sand castle, then promptly collapsed over it, destroying it immediately.

 

Simon and Clary stared at the boy—the same boy that came from the group of siblings beside them. The boy stared back rather defiantly, trying to ignore the shells pressing into his back. Rebecca was off looking for seashells, so the two had freedom to do whatever they want, including shouting at this boy, which Simon was planning to do.

 

"What is wrong with you?" Simon asked quietly.

 

The other boy's mouth quirked up into a small grin. "Why? What is wrong with me?"

 

"You crushed our sand castle, that's why!"

 

"Oh, that? That's not my fault," he said, starting to get up. "My brother pushed me."

 

"That's not the point!" Simon said angrily. "You just demolished it! Everything of it! Did you know how hard it was for us to make it?"

 

The other boy stopped brushing the sand off his body and rolled his eyes at them.

 

“Not my loss. I told you it was an accident. Besides, it was a pathetic excuse for a sand castle anyway.”

 

Simon felt Clary froze beside him.

 

“What did you say?” Clary asked quietly.

 

The boy grinned, unnerved. “I said it was a pathetic excuse for a sand castle,” he said, and with a gasp of mock horror, continued, “Or did you not know it already?”

 

Simon was quite familiar on the way his best friend attests her anger and spite towards someone she despises, so he quickly opened his mouth to intervene (hopelessly, he might add) before someone does something rash.

 

Nevertheless, he didn’t need to. The two were already shouting their heads off, firing insults at the speed of light.

 

Simon glanced around despairingly, trying to find something to shut them up. In a blur of hopelessness, he picked up the bucket, which was full of water, and dumped it on the other boy’s head.

 

After that, everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Both of them turned to him, Clary looking like she had the ultimate surprise of her life, while the boy stared at him with an expression of horror and disbelief. The boy’s curly hair was now dripping wet, and every drop of water that fell to the sand from his clothes seemed clear and big to Simon.

 

It was at that moment that Rebecca chose to return from her shell-collecting activity.

 

Rebecca took one look at the situation: her brother holding an empty pail, breathing rather heavily, Clary with her hands on her hips, gaping openly at Simon, her eyes bright with surprise and what Rebecca assumed was anger, and a boy Rebecca was fairly sure the same boy who was playing with his siblings in the spot next to theirs, drenched from head to toe. Sea shells of varying sizes and colors littered the ground where the sand castle had once stood, the only evidence that there ever was one.

 

Rebecca got the gist of the scene quickly. She turned to her brother, who was looking rather stunned.

 

“Simon. Apologize. Now,” she said firmly.

 

Simon bristled. “What? Why should I? He started it!” he exclaimed, pointing a finger at the boy across him.

 

“I don’t care who started it, or whose fault is it. Apologize, or I’ll tell Mom and Dad.”

 

Clary opened her mouth to protest, but Rebecca silenced her with an impatient dismissive wave of her hand, looking expectantly at Simon.

 

“Well?” Rebecca prompted.

 

Simon stared at the ground when he spoke, seething quietly. “I’m sorry.”

 

Fortunately for all of them, the boy seemed uncomfortable with everything that is happening. His brothers were staring at him.

 

“I—it’s okay,” he managed to say with some difficulty. “It was my fault anyway. I am sorry I ruined your castle,” he said, yet he could not hide the distaste in his voice.

 

Rebecca narrowed her eyes at the three of them, but let go of it. “Come on. Let’s get back to them,” she said, then turned and walked towards the direction where Elaine and Jocelyn was, Simon and Clary following at her heels.

 

 

~~~~

 

 

Before that summer ended, two families transferred to their neighborhood. One moved in the house across the Fairchilds, and the other on the house next to the Lewises. The Fairchilds was the house to the left of Simon’s, so the new family was on the house to the right.

 

“Why does everybody seems to be moving out of their original homes?” Simon had complained to Clary that afternoon.

 

Clary just replied with a shrug and continued doodling on her notebook.

 

That afternoon, Simon was horrified to learn that her mom had invited the two families, along with the Fairchilds to a barbecue party in the Lewises garden. It was, as her mom had put it, a way for their families to be acquainted with each other. Simon rolled his eyes at that.

 

That very evening, Simon was even more horrified when he found out that one of the boys that had moved in was the very same boy he had dumped a bucket of water into that summer.

 

Of course, it was just his luck.

 

The boy recognized him, of course. His wide eyes as he caught sight of Simon was enough proof of that. Simon elbowed Clary in the ribs. Ignoring the glare her best friend had given him, he pointed with his chin towards the boy. Simon heard Clary took a sharp intake of breath.

 

“That’s him, isn’t it?” Clary breathed.

 

Simon nodded to confirm her suspicions.

 

Before they could walk away and hopefully avoid the boy, Elaine Lewis appeared in front of them, Rebecca on her side, a sour expression on her face.

 

“Why are you just simply standing around here? Have you made friends yet?” Elaine demanded.

 

Simon and Clary hastily dropped the other boy’s sight and turned to Elaine, but she had noticed it.

 

Elaine turned and walked towards the boy, but not before giving them a look that says ‘follow me or else.’ Rebecca glanced at the pair, and mouthed, _Don’t cause any trouble_. She had clearly recognized the boy from their little beach scenario.

 

They later learned that the boy’s name is Raphael Santiago, and his family was from Mexico. Nobody, not even Raphael’s little brothers, mentioned their little tussle at the back a few weeks ago. Everyone tried to act civilized, but as soon as the adults were not hovering around them, everyone—that is, the Santiagos, Rebecca, Simon, and Clary--returned to shooting glares at each other.

 

The other family was the Lightwoods, and Simon did not remember much of them except for the fact that they have three kids. One was still a baby, named Max, one was a girl named Isabelle around Clary’s age, and the last was a boy with a scowl on his face named Alec, who Simon remembered hazily was older than Isabelle by two years.

 

Nobody seemed to make friends at that event, save for the adults, who were talking happily by the end of it. The children, at least, were now giving each other shy smiles. Clary and Isabelle seemed to have talked for a moment. Raphael and Simon, however, seemed to have a fat chance of ever becoming friends.

 

 

~~~~

 

 

A year later, someone—no, two someones—arrived in their neighborhood. Two boys. One with golden hair, and one with dark hair. The blonde guy moves in with the Lightwoods, while the other was with the Santiagos.

 

The blonde guy, Simon and Clary later learned, is Jace Herondale. His father was a close friend of Robert Lightwood, and so, when something tragic hit the Herondales, leaving Jace alone, the Lightwoods adopted him.

Simon disliked Jace instantly. In his opinion, Jace acts like he’s above everybody else. Besides, Simon thinks that Jace likes Clary. When they had their first barbecue together—the Santiagos had hosted a barbecue party that year for the new additions to the family—Jace had stammered out a hello to Clary, which was unlike him at all. In the short time Simon had known Jace, he _never_ stammers. Certainly not in front of a girl.

 

The other boy is Magnus Bane. Simon didn’t know much about him, only that Guadalupe Santiago found him on a street, homeless, took pity on him, and adopted him.

 

And yet, it seems to Simon and the rest of the world that the Lightwood boy, Alec, fancies Magnus. The attempts Alec had made to hide his feelings were fairly poor. Isabelle, along with Clary, and sometimes Simon, teased him for not having the courage to talk to Magnus. Alec’s cheeks would flush a faint pink and he would look away. On the other side, Raphael bantered with Magnus, all the while poking him with a barbecue stick. Magnus would wave Raphael away, and then continue to sneak glances at Alec.

 

During barbecue night, Simon sometimes saw in the corner of his eyes—Raphael, laughing, with Ragnor Fell. Ragnor, along with Catarina Loss, were the Magnus’ closest friends. They were also from this neighborhood, a few houses down the Santiagos. Ragnor and Catarina were the first friends Magnus had made when he moved in, and now they were invited to these barbecue nights.

 

Raphael would sometimes catch Simon glancing at him, then both would look quickly away as if nothing happened. Over the past year, no one would exactly say that they were working their way into friendship, because if ever the two would talk about something, it would just erupt into another argument. The closest they had been to a hostile conversation was when they were both scolded by their parents, asking them to apologize to each other.

 

Raphael and Simon never really paid attention to one another until the following year, when a certain incident happened.

 

 

~~~~

 

 

Simon was ten years old when his father died.

 

Truth is, he never really remembered much of it. His father's death was unexpected. The cause? A heart attack. The funeral seemed like a blur to him. He mostly kept to his mother's sides, keeping silent. The people's condolences said to him was a faint humming in his ears. He would just nod, as if to appreciate it and offer a little smile, then turn away quickly. After that, he had shut himself in his room, going out only to eat.

 

One day, a week later after the funeral, Magnus nudged Raphael. The two were in Raphael's room, Magnus annoying the shit out of the other boy.

 

"What the hell was that for?" Raphael demanded, glaring at Magnus. Despite being Catholic and all, Raphael still swears, only not around his family.

 

"Go to Simon's."

 

"What?" Raphael looked at Magnus as if he was insane.

 

"Go to Simon. Comfort him with one of your endearing motivational speeches. I don't know. He clearly needs some help," he said, pointing at the bedroom across Raphael's, which happened to be Simon's. Even though the curtains to Simon's room was close, a pacing figure can be seen through. "Furthermore," Magnus continued, "This may be a start of a new, inseparable friendship only boys like you and that geek would have."

 

Raphael narrowed his eyes at that. "What was that supposed to mean? Besides, you know that Simon and I are not that close. Totally not in that level where you comfort them by assuring comforting words that does not really mean anything."

 

"For your first statement, nevermind any of that. As for the second, I happen to know that already. I only want you to comfort him. Which, hopefully, would lead to friendship. You don't have to whisper sweet nothings to him, you know. To earn his trust," Magnus shoot him a grin sweetly and rather innocently.

 

"Fine," Raphael grumbled. "But only to shut you up."

 

 

Actually doing it seemed to become more and more impossible by the moment. Elaine had let him into the house without hesitation, just as Raphael was explaining his...intentions.

 

"Of course dear. Simon's upstairs, I'm afraid. Been sulking in his room lately. You do know where his room is, do you?" Elaine had said.

 

Now, standing in front of the door to Simon's bedroom, Raphael was deeply regretting agreeing to Magnus' plan. _Dios, what was I thinking, agreeing to that insane plan? This is stupid._

 

He turned, about to walk out of the house that very moment, when Simon opened the door.

 

Both boys freeze. Raphael, who was caught in the act of turning sideways, stood frozen, while Simon stared.

 

"What are you doing here?" Simon whispered, apalled. His voice was a little hoarse, a product of crying and not using it for days.

 

Raphael looked alarmed. "I—uh—I—I came here to—uh—" he stuttered over his words. He cursed at himself quietly.

 

Simon looked highly amused. "Well, whatever it is, you better come to my room," he said, stepping aside to let Raphael in.

 

"I—uh—what were you supposed to be doing? I mean, if you did not saw me."

 

"Oh, I nearly forgot. I'm just gonna go and get a glass of water, okay? Feel free to enter my humble abode," he said, then looked at Raphael again, strangely this time, and was off.

 

Raphael stared after him until he vanished out of sight. He turned back to the room in front of him, took a deep breath, and then entered.

 

Simon's room was. . .simple. Neat, even. For a boy who had shut himself in his room for days, it was pretty clean. The walls were painted with a plain blue, like the sea. A few posters from bands Raphael did not recognize decorated the walls. Before Raphael could observe more, Simon was back.

 

"So," Simon began rather cautiously, sitting on his bed. "What are you doing here exactly?"

 

"Magnus asked me to come here. To—uh—tocomfortyoubutclearlyitsaverystupidideasoishouldreallygonow."

 

Simon raised an eyebrow at him. "What? Look, if you're here to get revenge on me because of the whole dumping-water-on-you incident, which, I might add, was stupid, then go ahead. I'm feeling kinda meh now, and everything's boring, and sulking in my room because of my father's death seems no fun now."

 

Raphael stared. "I—"

 

"Oh, shut up. Wait," Simon squinted at him. "You're not here to make fun of me, are you?"

 

Too tired to argue, Raphael didn't answer. Neither of them said anything in a while. Raphael, having sat in Simon's bed after they had both shut up, looked across Simon.

 

Simon had his face covered with his hands, his body racking in silent sobs and shudders.

 

As expected, Raphael did not know what to do. He just stared at the floor, wishing he has the ability to make someone else feel better in an instant.

 

 

~~~~

 

 

The surprising part?

 

(Well, it wasn't really surprising for those who knew *cough* Magnus and Ragnor *cough*, but it was surprising enough for the rest of the gang.)

 

Raphael and Simon became friends—well, kind-of-best-friends-but-since-we-already-have-a-best-friend-you're-like-my-second-bestie—after that.

 

When they reached high school, Raphael and Simon still gave each other looks only God knows what it was about. That little game had started since middle school, and apparently it hadn't go away. Of course, their friends had noticed it, but decided (with great difficulty) to not mention it around the two boys.

 

Everyone in Simon's neighborhood kind of had their own group: Magnus with Catarina, Ragnor, and Raphael; the Lightwood siblings, Alec, Isabelle, and Jace; and of course, Simon and Clary, with Simon's bandmates, Eric, Kirk and Matt.

 

Even so, everyone still hanged out with each other. Clary with Isabelle, Simon with Raphael, and Magnus keeps trying to flirt with Alec. Everyone laughs at their little schemes, when Alec would blush after some dirty joke Magnus had made in his expense.

 

One night, everyone was off to a place Simon's band (which was currently called Sexy Vampire Mojo) was performing. How the "Sexy Vampire Mojo" band was hired to perform, and what sane person agreed to let them play, the squad didn't have any idea.

 

After that, everyone played Truth or Dare with an empty bottle they found lying on the floor.

 

Jace claimed that he saw the bottle first, and he also had the idea of the game first, so he suggested (more like demanded) to be the one to spin it first. Everyone rolled their eyes at that excuse, but they let him be.

 

The bottle stopped, pointing to Alec. Jace grinned, a sly glint in his eyes.

 

"Alec, truth or dare?"

 

Alec looked desperately to Izzy, and then to Magnus, and then finally meeting Jace's gaze. He already had an idea on what Jace would be asking. Choosing dare was also not a wise option. This was _Jace_ they were talking about, and somehow that boy always had a wide stock of evil ideas always hovering in his mind.

 

"Truth."

 

Jace looked triumphant and smug. "Tell us how you got that hickey one night. And who gave it to you."

 

Cue the whistles and the cheers from everyone in the group. Cue the red stain that appeared in Alec's cheek. Cue Magnus' attempt to keep a straight face.

 

The night goes on, the truths and dares becoming wilder and wilder than the last. Jace was dared to do a sexy dance in front of Clary. Magnus had dared Catarina to kiss Ragnor. At that, everyone thought Catarina would snap at Magnus, but she had kissed Ragnor. The two were rather flushed when they broke apart. Everyone was treated to Eric's horrible poetry.

 

Not for the first time that night, it was now Isabelle's turn to spin.

 

At that point, Isabelle was _not_ in the mood. Someone—Izzy's hazy mind couldn't remember who—had dared her to french kiss one of Simon's friends. She was not one to back out of a dare, so she did it. And now, in her slightly-tipsy state, she was thinking of getting revenge on Simon.

 

The bottle spun, and Isabelle chanted under her breath, "Please be Simon. Please be Simon."

 

The bottle stopped. One end pointed at Simon, and the other at Alec.

 

Isabelle beamed. Oh, this was getting better and better.

 

"Right!" she said in delight, clasping her hands together. "Simon and Alec—don't give me that look, Alec, I know exactly what I'm doing—I dare you to do the Seven Minutes in Heaven," seeing their horrified looks, she added quickly, "Not with each other, of course. Alec, you go with Magnus. Simon. . ." Isabelle trailed off, looking around, and her gaze landed on Raphael. She distinctly remembered Raphael whispering to Ragnor about a dare. "You go with Raphael."

 

"What?!" Simon, Raphael, Alec, and Magnus said in unison.

 

"You heard me. Now shoo."

 

The four looked alarmed, as if they hadn't really believed that Izzy would give them a dare like that. Everyone else looked highly entertained.

 

"Oh, come on," Jace chimed in. "You don't really have to do _that_. Unless you want to. In that case, I don't want any details of it."

 

Everyone muttered in agreement. The four glared at all of them, glanced at each other appallingly, stood up from where they had sat on the floor, and was off to find a room.

 

As Raphael turned the doorknob to a room, Magnus announced, "I am not going to make out with Alexander in front of you two."

 

Both Simon and Raphael gave him a dirty look; Alec looked flabbergasted.

 

"Fine. Get a room," Raphael said, then opened the door. He motioned to Simon to follow him. Magnus and Alec were already walking toward the room next to theirs. Simon swallowed, then entered the room after Raphael.

 

 _This wouldn't be hard,_ Simon thought. _After all, we're not going to do anything._

Raphael manages to find the light switch, and he flips it on. He flopped down on the floor near the corner, gesturing for the other boy to sit as well. Simon flopped down in front of Raphael, but not too near him. A few feet separated the two of them.

 

Five minutes into the game passed. No one spoke. Raphael just stared into space. Simon found himself looking around the room, which was not really enjoyable. The room Raphael had choose was just a room. Nothing intriguing.  Plain walls, plain floors, plain everything. Simon then wondered what Magnus and Alec were doing, and what the others are doing, and what Raphael was thinking.

 

Usually, if given the opportunity, Raphael would rant about Magnus and Alec and about how stupid they are. Usually, he and Simon would share a stupid joke, and then roll over the floor laughing about it. Usually, the two would strike up some topic, and their discussions about it could go on for hours.

 

This was not the day.

 

The other boy was completely silent. He had not even tried to start a conversation with Simon. Which was completely weird.

 

Simon glanced at Raphael. His neck—why Simon was looking at his neck, Simon had no idea—had a few drops of sweat trickling down to vanish beneath his jacket. Or shirt. The shirt undernearth his jacket.

 

"Hey. Aren't you hot?" Simon asked.

 

Raphael frowned at him.

 

"I mean—not that way. I mean, can't you take your jacket off? It's clearly hot in here, and I don't want you to burn up or drown in your sweat before we go back to the game." Simon was pretty sure his own cheeks were flaming. What he said was true, though. The windows were closed, not a breeze present to cool them. The air was humid. In fact, the weather that day—and night, Simon supposed—was humid.

 

Simon marveled at Raphael's ability to wear a jacket on a day like this. Though he was wondering how and why.

 

"I can't. I won't," came Raphael's quiet reply.

 

"Why not?"

 

A few moments of silence, then Raphael took of his jacket.

 

He was wearing a loose white shirt underneath. Then Simon understood.

 

On both of Raphael's wrists, scars stood out in white. Some were still unhealed wounds. Some looked quite fresh.

 

Simon stared at it while Raphael stared at him, searching for a reaction, or _anything,_ in the boy's face.

 

Simon wondered why Raphael was showing him this, then he remembered: they weren't exactly in a sober state. Sober Raphael would _never_ let anybody see his scars.

 

Neither got the chance to say something, because Magnus was now pounding on the door. "Time's up! You can come out now!"

 

Raphael put on his jacket, and, without waiting for Simon, left the room in brisk strides.

 

 

~~~~

 

 

A few days later, Simon knocked on the Santiago's front door. Guadalupe opened it.

 

"Hi, Mrs. Santiago!" Simon greeted brightly. Over the years, Guadalupe had tried to make Simon call her 'Guadalupe', but Simon felt like being polite right now. Also, he needed to get on her good spirits. "Is Raphael here?"

"He's up on his room. Raphael, Simon's here to see you!" Guadalupe called.

 

"Let him in!" came Raphael's voice.

 

Guadalupe winked at Simon, and he entered the household.

 

Simon had been in Raphael's room a few times, mostly for Raphael to help Simon with something. School-related activities, of course. Some times, it was just for fun.

 

Raphael was lying lazily in his bed, phone clutched loosely in one hand, when Simon entered the room.

 

Raphael glanced at him, a questioning look on his face. _What are you doing here?_

 

Since the incident, the two had hardly talked to each other. And since nobody had come barging in his house to have a word with Raphael, he assumed that Simon hadn’t told anybody.

 

Judging by the look on Simon’s face, Raphael was right.

 

“We’re going out,” Simon announced.

 

The light from his cell phone illuminated Raphael’s frown. “Sorry, what?”

 

“We’re going out.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because. . .” Simon racked his brain for an answer, but nothing came up. “Because why not?” he finished lamely.

 

Raphael slowly put his phone away. He crossed his arms over his chest and cast Simon a suspicious look.

 

He considered his options. He could stay at home and do nothing. Maybe watch something on Youtube. Or he could come with Simon to wherever he was going. Or whatever he will be doing.

 

“Alright. I’ll come with you.”

 

 

~~~~

 

 

In all honesty, Simon doesn’t have a clue on what he’s doing. Or why he’s doing it.

 

Since the day he saw Raphael’s scars, something had formed in his mind. Unintentionally, of course. He had gotten the idea from a sappy romance story on Wattpad. The main character, a girl, had tried to make a depressed boy happy by taking him out on stupid (and funny, but mostly stupid) exploits. In fact, everything Simon was planning to do today came from the said fictional adventures.

 

They went to the mall downtown, Raphael grumbling all the way. Fortunately, it wasn’t that crowded, or it would have made Raphael crankier. Simon had to drag Raphael to the elevator to prevent the latter from walking off on his own.

 

When they got to the elevator, there were a few people on board. Most were teens, and the rest were a mix of children and adults.

 

Simon waited for the elevator to be full as they rode a few floors up. Once, Raphael hissed in his ear, “When are we going to get off this damn thing?”, but Simon ignored him.

 

Once the elevator was full, and they had ridden a floor up, Simon said quietly, “Ding,” and it was loud enough for everybody in that elevator to hear him.

 

Most of the grown-ups ignored him. Most of the teenagers glanced his way, and some had little smirks on their face. The children risked a curious glimpse at Simon, then their parent would shush their child. Raphael gave Simon an aggravated look.

 

Another floor up. This time, when Simon said _Ding_ again, two more joined him. A boy and a girl.

 

Snickers erupted from the teenagers. A girl of five giggled. The adults gave the younger ones scandalized looks, but Simon could have sworn some had tiny smiles etched on their faces. When Simon’s gaze fell on his companion, Raphael fought to keep his face straight.

 

Another floor up.

 

“Ding!” Every teenager, with the exception of Raphael, said.

 

The children bursted into a fit of giggles. A couple in their mid-twenties chortled. Half of the teens were expelling curses under their breath, complaining about how childlike they are acting, but it was clear that they were enjoying it.

 

Simon was shocked. He hadn’t expected everyone’s reactions to be this. He had expected to be embarrassed by this futile attempt. Clearly, he was wrong. He glanced at Raphael, hoping he had at least squeezed an expression from his unimpressed look he wore on his face earlier. Raphael wore a poker face, but the corner of his mouth was twitching. Simon looked away quickly.

 

They rode a few more floors until they got off the elevator. Along the way, everyone was shouting _Ding!_ relentlessly, and the elevator was filled with good-natured and upbeat laughter.

 

They went to the bookstore next. Raphael followed Simon into a secluded part of the store, hidden between shelves. He didn't recognize the titles of the books displayed in there. There was another person, though, and he was looking down, reading a book.

 

Raphael noticed the gesture Simon was giving him, albeit inconspicuously, and the latter opened the book Simon had shoved in his hands earlier. The other guy didn't even notice both of them. Raphael pretended to read the book, all the while shooting glances at Simon.

 

Simon was staring at the guy. _Intently_ staring. He almost doesn't need to blink, Raphael noticed. He was biting his lower lip in concentration. He was leaning his shoulder against a shelf, and his arms were crossed over his chest.

 

Raphael chanced a glimpse at Simon's lips.

 

 _Stop it,_ he chided himself. _You are not here to stare at his beautiful mouth._

 

Apparently, Simon had felt Raphael glancing at him, because he tore his gaze away from the guy for a few seconds to shot Raphael a quick look that said _Act like I'm not here._

 

Meanwhile, the other dude, whom Simon was staring at, was starting to feel uncomfortable. _That guy is staring at me. What the hell does he want?_

 

This goes on for a few minutes. Simon: staring at the guy. Raphael: looking down at his book, trying to read, and accomplishing nothing. The guy: reading his book, and feeling a bead of sweat making its way down his neck.

 

Finally, the guy cleared his throat. He asked Simon, "Excuse me? What do you want?"

 

Simon's lips parted in surprise, and his mind was a mess, trying to remember that particular scene in the Wattpad story. He looked around cautiously, then whispered at the guy, "You can see me?"

 

Simon really pulled off the act. Even Raphael was creeped out for a second at the tone in Simon's voice. It looks like the guy believed it, too.

 

"Are you kidding me?" he let out a short bark of laughter. "You can't prank me, boy," he said boy so distastefully, as if he wasn't just a few years older than them.

 

"You," the guy pointed his index finger at Raphael suddenly. "You can see him, right?" he was now pointing his finger at Simon.

 

Raphael thought he heard a quiver of nervousness there, and he held back a satisfied grin.

 

Raphael gave him a bored look, and moved his gaze to Simon, who was still staring at the guy. He let his gaze pass over Simon, as if he wasn't there.

 

"Who?" Raphael asked disinterestedly. "What are you talking about? We're the only ones in here."

 

Either the guy was a scaredy-cat, or Simon payed him secretly to go along with his scheme, because he let the book drop to the floor and ran away, arms waving over his head.

 

Simon glanced at Raphael, eyes filled with humor and hope.

 

Raphael just rolled his eyes, and flipped his wrist as if to say, _Fine, you got me. Go on with your little shenanigans._

Simon grinned widely, and there was such childlike innocence and joy in his expression that when he turned away, Raphael was playing it again and again in his head, trying to take in the beauty of it.

 

By the end of the day, Simon had done a dozen stupid things with Raphael right beside him, eyes alive with laughter.

 

Meanwhile, Raphael was overthinking. Again. During him and Simon's schemes.

 

Even though it was quite silly, Raphael really appreciated Simon's efforts. In fact, he didn't think it was silly now. Everything that Simon had done had brought a smile on his lips. Everything that Simon had done made him feel whole again.

 

As they walked back to their houses—the distance between the mall and their place wasn't that far—Raphael stared at the boy with chocolate brown eyes beneath his glasses, and thought, _how can one person mean the world to you?_

 

 

After everything he had done, Simon was still feeling rather idiotic.

 

Raphael had laughed a lot the whole time, so naturally, Simon thought that maybe it wasn't that bad. Maybe he had actually made Raphael happy, even if it's just for a short time. Or maybe, Raphael had laughed because he thought Simon's attempts belonged in a trash can.

 

Honestly, it can be both. Or neither of the two.

 

The Raphael Santiago that day was very different from the Raphael Santiago Simon knew. This Raphael was full of joy, and he looked as if his soul was alive, as if his heart was whole, as if his mind was thinking clearly, as if he had seen a thousand stars.

 

Sure, Simon had seen a happy Raphael. Whenever he was with his family. Or his friends. But this happy Raphael he had seen today was much more different in a good way.

 

And so, as they were walking their way home, Simon grabbed Raphael's hand. Raphael, startled, looked down on their joined hands, looked up on Simon, but Simon was grinning. Then the latter took off running, dragging Raphael along behind him.

 

It wasn't the most comfortable trip, but it was filled with euphoria that crashed onto both boys.

 

They had bumped onto a lot of people along the way, and sometimes either Simon or Raphael would shout an apology over his shoulder. And yet, somehow, it made everything better.

 

Everything was a blur as they ran: the buildings, the houses, the trees, and heck, even the road beneath their feet. For the two, the world narrowed down to them, only them.

 

It was a miracle that they didn't crash into a pole or something.

 

The sun was setting when they slowed down to a walk when they reached their neighborhood. No one noticed two boys walking side by side, their shoulders brushing lightly, dark silhouettes against the pink and orange sky.

 

And, as they parted ways, their eyes held a promise to each other.

 

_To live in a world without darkness._

~~~~

 

 

On Raphael’s sixteenth birthday, his family went to a resort to celebrate.

 

Only a few were invited by the Santiago family: Raphael’s closest friends. Magnus (but he didn’t quite count as he was part of the Santiagos already), Ragnor, Catarina, and Simon.

 

That didn’t stop the others from coming. Every member of the Lightwood, Fairchild, Lewis, Fell, and Loss families followed them (with the exception of Rebecca Lewis; she was at college). Nobody stopped them. Of course, they paid for their own expenses, since they weren’t invited, but they were happy to do so.

 

The first thing they did (or at least, the squad did, their parents were too talking with each other) was go to the pool. The weather was quite hot, and only a few clouds hung on the sky. It was the perfect day for swimming.

 

They had a chicken fight first. Everyone argued with everyone; half of the group were fighting over someone to be their partner, while the other half looked around hopelessly and tried to pick a partner over the chaos.

 

After a few moments, everyone was in pairs: Jace and Clary, Magnus and Alec, Jonathan and Isabelle, Simon and Raphael, and Ragnor and Catarina. Max was sitting on the edge of the pool, arms crossed. Jace, Alec, and Izzy had forbidden him to join on the game.

 

The fight was messy, yet fun. There was a lot of shouting and splashing, and curses flew everywhere. Many times, someone would fall out of someone’s grip and into the pool they went, and when they would come up, spluttering, they would always bicker with their partner.

 

“Curse you, Jace! Oh, the horror. My dreams would now be haunted by a close-up version of Jace’s butt.”

 

“Damn this game. I swear to God, Magnus, if I _ever_ swallow a mouthful of pool fucking water again I would steal your makeup while you slept.”

 

“Jonathan, for God’s sake, stop _trying_ to flirt with Isabelle!”

 

“Excuse you, you should be blessed that your dreams will be visited with my elegant ass!”

 

"Simon you dork, watch where you're going!"

 

In the end, Jonathan and Isabelle won, Magnus and Alec a close second, but only because Ragnor and Raphael, along with their partners, had teamed up against them. This left Magnus with a look of betrayal etched all over his face, while Alec tried to reason with him (who was trying not to laugh), to no avail.

 

After everyone had rest a little, they made sure that no one from the resort staff was watching, and then had a swimming contest.

 

Only the boys participated in the said competition. For some reason, Jace and Alec let Max join in. The girls sat crossed legged around the side of the pool, cheering and taking bets. Ragnor hosted the game, tossing sassy and sarcastic remarks about the players.

 

To everyone's surprise, Max won.

 

A smug grin was present on Max's face that whole day. Jace had dramatically went down on his knees, covered his face with his hands, and pretended to wept.

 

"I will not accept defeat!" he announced flamboyantly, but it was a bit muffled by his hands.

 

At that, Raphael choked on his drink. Magnus thumped his back. Max, Alec, Simon, and Ragnor chortled. Isabelle rolled her eyes, but there was an amused glint to it. Clary and Catarina merely looked bored. Jonathan saluted to what Jace had said.

 

Max didn't get to retort, because at that moment, Maryse had appeared at the doorway.

 

"Time to eat," she simply said, then left.

 

Everyone followed her to a simple yet beautiful garden, and there were benches near bushes. In the midst of it all was a huge table filled with all kinds of food everyone loved, and there was a cake in the center of the table.

 

"No one is too old for cake," Magnus had said, after he had noticed Raphael eyeing it.

 

Everyone sang, or rather, yelled, the birthday song, clapping their hands wildly along, and there was a burst of mad giggles from everybody as they finished. They glanced at the birthday boy, who, for once, was smiling widely.

 

Everybody erupted into cheers and hoots at that. There was something precious about the moment, and the few people who noticed it couldn't help but smile.

 

There was a mad scramble at the table as everybody tried to take as many food they can put in their plate and carry without it falling to the ground. With a lot of shoving and shouting, they crammed themselves on the benches, and a few actually ate on the ground, sitting crossed-legged.

 

For minutes, there was nothing but laughter as everyone chattered with their mouths full. Their favorite topic, however, was things regarding the birthday boy.

 

"So, Raphael," Jace began, a stain of ketchup on the side of his mouth, "you got eyes on anybody yet?" He wiggled his eyebrows playfully.

 

Unfortunately for Raphael, everyone heard that, and they all turned to look at him, eyes demanding for answers.

 

Magnus and Ragnor started to snicker, and apparently Catarina knows what the two were snickering about, because she was biting her lip to control it. Simon stared on a spot somewhere over Raphael's shoulder. Everyone else looked confused.

 

"Raphael?" Magnus and Ragnor prompted over their snickers. Guadalupe Santiago still looked confused, but there was an amused yet interested look in her eyes. As did everyone present.

 

Raphael swallowed visibly. "No, there isn't."

 

"Aha!" Magnus and Ragnor exclaimed, as if they had just discovered something that will change the world. They high-fived each other, and they gazed triumphantly at Raphael.

 

 _That was really the wrong thing to say. Oh, great,_ Raphael thought gloomily.

 

"We caught you, dude. Fess up," Ragnor said.

 

Raphael scowled at the duo. "Dude? Who the heck says dude?" Then, remembering that there were adults at the party, he looked around rather alarmingly, expecting someone to scold him. But they were just watching on, as if they were in a TV show.

 

He glanced back at Magnus and Ragnor, and stared blankly at them. Raphael's look literally screams, _What the hell are you idiots talking about?_

 

They only stared blankly back.

 

Catarina rolled her eyes at the scene unfolding before her. _Boys._

 

Then, Magnus made an _oh_ shape of his mouth, as if realizing something that was in front of him all along (which he had), and nudged Ragnor. The latter turned to Magnus, eyebrows raised.

 

The two exchanged some kind of conversation between their eyes. Ragnor's mouth shaped into an _'oh'_ , exactly the same as Magnus' earlier.

 

"What? What is it?" Luke demanded after seeing the looks exchanged by the two boys.

 

Magnus smirked. "It is not my place to tell things concerning our birthday boy's feelings."

 

Raphael frowned. _What?_

 

Ragnor chimed in haltingly, "Though, our birthday boy seems to have no idea of these feelings."

 

Everyone's confused looks deepened. Magnus narrowed his eyes into slits at Ragnor, and Ragnor held his hands up in surrender. Catarina resisted the urge to throw her hands up and scream in frustration. Raphael's expression was one of half-annoyed, half-preplexed.

 

While everybody was watching the Reveal Your Friend's Love Interest Reality Show, Simon sneaked off to steal a piece of cake. Nobody's eaten it yet, and he imagined the looks on their faces when they discovered a piece had been taken off.

 

Everyone noticed him. Naturally. How they did that, Simon had no idea. Last he checked, they were still absorbed in Magnus, Ragnor, and Raphael's staring contest.

 

For a few seconds, everyone stared at him: the adults, looking amused, and the children, looking betrayed.

 

Jace led the charge to crush Simon, everyone tripping along the way. Their parents merely sat back, watching the scuffle live on front-row seats.

 

Half of the group (who joined in the riot) immediately tackled Simon to the ground, and the other half (who was sensible enough) turned to get cake with their bare hands.

 

Well, the first half was mostly tackling each other to the ground. Elbows slammed into ribs and faces, hands grasping anything they could touch, and everyone was a rolling mess on the ground. The piece of cake Simon was holding in one hand smacked into Jonathan's face, who wasn't meant to be part of it all, but was dragged by Max.

 

Time slowed down for Simon as Jonathan glanced around, wondering who had put fucking _icing_ in his ears and nose. His eyes snagged Simon's guilty look.

 

Before anyone had the time to react, Jonathan had snatched Clary's small piece of cake and thrown it at Simon's face. It hit straight and true.

 

Raphael's birthday party turned into a full-scale war. Their parents, seeing there was no hope in stopping it, slipped away silently before a flying fruit would hit them.

 

Sides were taken, and friendships momentarily ruined. Every now and then, someone would yell a battle cry and hurl whatever food they were clutching to the nearest enemy.

 

Even so, Raphael was glad for the conflict. It was the perfect distraction for a near-death experience for him.

 

The war only stopped when one of the resort staff walked in and strips of spaghetti landed on her hair. After that, everyone gave Raphael their gifts, and left quite sheepishly, clothes decorated with scraps of food.

 

 

~~~~

 

 

“Hey.”

 

Raphael looked up from where he was sitting on the bridge. It was Simon.

 

“Mind if I join you?”

 

Raphael shook his head. Simon took his slippers off and sat down next to him. The bridge they were currently sitting on was over a pool, and it had no railings, so their legs dangled freely above the water. Well, not Simon’s. He was taller than Raphael by a few inches, and so his feet merely touched the water’s surface.

 

“So,” Simon began, “Why are you out here alone. Shouldn’t you be, uh, celebrating with your family?”

 

Raphael made a face at him. After wishing Raphael the best of wishes and thanking the Santiago family, everyone had gone home just before dark. Only the Santiagos and the originally invited friends remained to stay overnight.

 

“The kids are fighting over their beds,” Raphael said. The Santiago siblings had to share a room, and a reluctant Raphael was staying with them to watch over them. Everyone else had a separate room for themselves.

 

Simon’s mouth twitched when he tried to imagine the chaos back in Raphael’s room, caused by his four younger brothers, the second eldest sibling, Diego, leading it all. Diego was only about two years younger than Raphael, but he was already one hell of a troublemaker.

 

“I know, right?” Raphael continued. “Who fights over damn beds? It all looks the same anyway. Why the heck would they fight over it? For the—“at this point, he raised his hands and made air quotes “—lumpy. fluffy, pillows?”

 

Simon allowed a smile to spread widely on his face at the term. _Only Diego would use the term lumpy, fluffy, pillows and still feel dignified about it. And only Raphael would insult it._ A quiet snort escaped him.

 

Raphael glanced over at Simon, and he hastily turned his smile upside down. Raphael narrowed his eyes at him. “You traitor,” he accused Simon. “I thought you were on my side!” he exclaimed theatrically and poked Simon in the side.

 

Simon cracked up. “Oh God, Raphael, shut up. Dramatics does not suit you. At all.”

 

Raphael looked skeptical. “Of course it does! I’ve watched Magnus do it for years, Simon. _Years._ If anything, I would say that is an accomplishment.”

 

"Sure, Raph. Whatever floats your boat. Anyway," Simon added, lifting a small box from his side and giving it to Raphael, "here's my gift. You didn't think I forgot, did you?" He raised his eyes, searching for a reaction in the birthday boy's face.

 

Raphael was gawking at the box, and then at Simon. His face was one of disbelief. Simon suspected strongly that it was because the birthday boy did not notice the present Simon was carrying that night.

 

"How did you do that?" Raphael demanded.

 

"Nevermind that. Open it?" he gestured to the box.

 

Raphael regarded Simon's gift suspiciously, no doubt expecting some kind of booby-trap. He turned it over and over in his hands, and prodded it sharply with a finger. Finally deciding that it was probably safe, Raphael opened the box.

 

 _Oh._ He stared at it, not knowing what to say.

 

Simon bit his lip. "Do you like it?" he asked quietly, his voice anxious.

 

Raphael opened his mouth to say something, but the words were stuck in his throat, so he closed his mouth abruptly.

 

It was a necklace, a cross pendant hanging on it, made of gold. As Raphael took it gingerly, the chain swung between his fingers, the cross flashing.

 

On Raphael’s tenth birthday, his mom had given him a necklace exactly like the one he held in his hand right now. He had worn it everyday, everywhere, no matter what. Once, some boys had made fun of him for wearing it, but he didn’t took it off and instead defended the cross and his religion. It was the thing he had most treasured.

 

And, not less than a year ago, he had lost it.

 

No one could really fathom on how he lost it. Raphael had simply woke up one morning, and by habit, touched his throat to feel the cold metal of the cross, and found out that it was gone. He had freaked out because of it. Of course, the absence of the necklace around Raphael’s throat didn’t go unnoticed. Guadalupe had suggested, _maybe it was misplaced?_ But after days of relentless searching, no one had found it. So they let the matter go.

 

And now, he was holding it in his hands. Or maybe it was a replica. It didn’t matter. It looked and _felt_ exactly the same.

 

Raphael glanced at Simon, uneasiness painted all over his face. Then he remembered that Simon was waiting for a comment from him.

 

“How—is it—where—why—“ he stumbled over his words. He inhaled and tried to compose himself to form a coherent question. He finally asked, “Where did you get it?”

 

Simon bit his lower lip inwardly so Raphael wouldn’t notice. “I found it when I was at the mall. I—we were out shopping—“

 

Raphael held up his hands, the necklace swinging back and forth. “Hold up. You? _Shopping?_ And what do you mean, _we_? Who were you with at that time?”

 

“Magnus.”

 

“ _Magnus?_ As in, Magnus _Bane_?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Why the hell were you out shopping with Magnus?”

 

“Well, it was Isabelle who was supposed to go with him. Izzy also had to go on a date that day with a guy—I forgot his name, but I think it starts with M—and I owe her because she covered up for me once—remember that time when we went to the mall and executed a bunch of crazy things? Yeah, that time. Izzy covered me up because I couldn’t exactly tell my mom that I was off to the mall to make you—well, happy. So she made me go shopping with Magnus, and I couldn’t exactly refuse.”

 

“Huh. Okay. So about that part on where you got the necklace…?”

 

“Right. So we were roaming around the mall when Magnus saw the jewelry store. He went in, probably to buy something for himself, and I followed him because I was holding some of his shopping bags, and then I saw him staring at the cross necklace. And I immediately knew what—who he was thinking about.”

 

“So you—you two decided to buy it? For _me_?”

 

“Duh. It reminds us so much of you. And only I bought it. I mean, Magnus paid half for it but he made me pay it back the next day because he said he already bought a gift of you. So technically, I bought it.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Simon squinted at Raphael. “So, you like it?”

 

“Of course I like it, you dumbass. Who wouldn’t?”

 

It only occurred to Raphael that the statement may or may not had a meaning behind them, but a small smile was already forming on Simon’s lips.

 

“Can I?” Simon asked, gesturing to the necklace.

 

Raphael nodded coolly before passing it to Simon. He turned away slightly, enough for the other boy to put the necklace around his throat. Simon’s fingers brushed Raphael’s neck softly as he clasped the chain. A cold breeze brushed their bare arms, and Raphael shivered. Whether it was because of the haunting feeling of Simon’s fingers or the breeze, he did not know.

 

 _Well, isn’t this dramatic,_ Raphael thought dully.

 

Raphael turned to Simon. The latter had a small smile playing on his lips. Raphael peered down hastily at the necklace resting halfway between his chest and his throat before he could stare at Simon’s lips any longer. He glanced back at him.

 

“It’s beautiful,” he let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Thank you,” he said softly, then smiled at him.

 

One moment, they were staring into each other like those couples in cliché romance movies they both hated. Then, Raphael caught the way Simon’s eyes flashed down to his lips, and he tilted his head up involuntarily. Simon leaned down and kissed him.

 

Raphael had once read some fictional book, and the narrator—which is, a gay seventeen-year-old—kissed his love interest (weren’t they always kissing?), and described it as something that would play again and again in your mind, the heavenly taste of his lips, the overwhelming feeling of his arms around him.

 

Back then, he had snorted at it.

 

And now, he was living it.

 

When they both closed their eyes, Raphael could still see Simon, Simon, _Simon_. Simon dumping a pail of water over him, Simon crying on his bed, Simon going to his house to cheer him up.

 

Another breeze blew past them, and Raphael’s hands reached for Simon’s neck, curling around them, seeking warmth and comfort. Simon’s arms snaked around his waist, pulling him closer to him.

 

They sat on the bridge for a long time, kissing, the moon and the stars above watching them.

 

 

~~~~

 

 

Strangely (for them, at least), everyone accepted their relationship.

 

Elaine Lewis didn't bat an eyelid when Simon told her that he was dating Raphael. She just hugged her son and told him that if he's happy, then that's good enough for her. Rebecca just screamed loudly into Simon's ear from the phone, telling him she was so proud and happy for the two. Not long after that, she hung up.

 

Moving on to Raphael's side, despite being a devoted Catholic, Guadalupe Santiago supported his son. Not implying that (most) Catholics are homophobic. Guadalupe just whispered in Raphael's ear: _Just because I serve the Lord doesn't mean I will shun you out of the family. We will always be here, no matter what._

Raphael smiled at that.

 

As for their friends and their friends' parents, they were absolutely in favor of the boys' relationship, which the two figured out was a good thing, because aside from the fact that it was not a problem anymore for them, it was also great for Magnus and Alec.

 

The two (Magnus and Alec, that is) have been going out on secret dates long before Simon and Raphael actually got together. Oddly enough, everyone already knew it. They just pretended they didn't.

 

So when Simon and Raphael had come out to everybody, they followed suit.

 

At first, Robert and Maryse Lightwood ignored it, thinking Alec's. . .gayness will go away. When they realized their mistake, they slowly began to come around.

 

No one blinked an eye at the boys' relationship. Everyone was supportive of them.

 

Simon knocked on the door to the Santiago's house. It was another ordinary day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and none of that was really happening because those shit only happens in Disney movies and obviously, this was not a Disney movie.

 

Oh, how right Simon was about that.

 

Simon stood outside, hands on the pockets of his jeans, waiting for someone to open the door. He gazed at the door, not really seeing anything. He was already thinking about the day ahead of him—them. He and Raphael were supposed to go on a date today, and since his _boyfriend_ still hadn't gotten ready, he had decided to come fetch him.

 

It wasn't their first date, obviously. But it was one of the few times that Raphael didn't come on time. Usually, as their houses were literally next to each other, they would meet up outside and then go to whatever place they want to go.

 

Now he was wondering, _Is this a good idea? Do boys usually fetch their boyfriends if they were running late to a date?_

The door opened, and Simon snapped out of his trance. It was Diego; Raphael's younger brother.

 

Diego looked bored out of his mind. "He's upstairs," he said blandly, then stepped aside to let Simon enter.

 

The first time Simon had been at the Santiago’s house, it had been because of a homework he needed Raphael to help him with. Guadalupe had been the one who answered the door and ushered him inside. He was struck by the _simpleness_ of it. Plain white walls, and a few picture frames hung on it. He loved it instantly.

 

Now, the Santiago siblings were the only ones in the house. Guadalupe was probably off to work. Simon headed straight upstairs, where Raphael’s room was. He opened the door to his boyfriend’s room.

 

Raphael was sitting on the edge of the bed, back bent, putting on a pair of white sneakers. He looked up, sat up straight, the sneakers temporarily forgotten.

 

“Hey. I was just getting ready,” he said as a way of greeting.

 

“I know. I couldn’t wait,” Simon said, made his way across the room, and sat beside Raphael on the mattress.

 

Raphael leaned over and gave Simon a quick peck on the lips. The latter didn’t object at the shortness of it. One time, a few months into their relationship, they were kissing in Raphael’s bedroom (and it was quite a long kiss), and when they broke apart, Raphael had blurted out that he was asexual.

 

Simon just nodded and said _Okay._

_Okay?_ Raphael had asked.

 

_Sure. There’s nothing weird about it._

 

_Okay._

_Okay._

They both agreed that they will not get into the sex thing and all stuff that might lead to sex, unless Raphael wanted to. Not surprisingly, the no-sex thing worked out between the two.

 

Raphael bent down again to continue putting on his shoes. Simon poked his arched back.

 

“So guess what,” Simon started.

 

“What?” Raphael asked.

 

“Magnus managed to reserve us a place in that fancy restaurant downtown,” Simon said, trying to hold back his excitement. The fancy restaurant in question was a new one, and apparently it had exquisite dishes. No one actually remembers the name of the place because it was so long and unpronounceable. Everyone just called it the “fancy restaurant downtown’.

 

Simon continued, “I know he had some connections to the place, but I don’t know how and why he did it. Maybe he and Ragnor planned all of it to prank us, or something. I don’t know. Maybe Magnus didn’t really reserve us a place. Maybe they’re hoping we’ll be embarrassed when we get there. Anyway, if there actually is a place reserved for us, we’re gonna go there after. My treat,” he paused, and added as an afterthought, “Oh, also, we’re gonna see that new movie everyone’s so hyped about. Is that okay for you?”

 

Raphael peered at Simon over his shoulder. There was an amused smile present on his lips. “Are you done?”

 

Simon frowned at him. “Are you telling me to shut up? I wasn’t rambling.”

 

“No I’m not, and no, you’re not. People tell you to shut up?”

 

“Yeah. Sometimes.”

 

Raphael was now done putting on his sneakers. He sat up, looking at Simon all the time. “Who?”

 

Simon waved his hand airily. “Oh, you know. The usual. Jace, Alec, Catarina, et cetera et cetera. They only tell me that when they’re really annoyed. Or cranky.”

 

“Why won’t they quit that?”

 

Simon grinned at his boyfriend. “Are you going all-protective boyfriend on me? Going to fight them now?”

 

Raphael scoffed. “As if. I only said that because I’m your boyfriend and I’m supposed to be on your side, but I agree with them. Wholeheartedly.”

 

“Hey!” Simon said indignantly. “You’re supposed to side with me! Wait, you already said that.”

 

“I know,” Raphael smirked at him, and it was such a devilishly handsome smirk in Simon’s opinion.

 

“That’s why I love you. Anyway, you up for that movie I was talking about?”

 

Raphael’s smirk slowly vanished from his face. He stared at Simon, his eyes unreadable, and the latter tried to process what just happened that made Raphael do that.

 

_Oh._

Simon had known for quite a while now, but decided to keep it to himself. He knew Raphael was not ready for all of it. And now, he had told him. No, it had _slipped_ from him.

 

How stupid was he?

 

“I—I’m sorry,” he said, but it sounded more like a whisper. “I didn’t—I mean—I wasn’t—I know you’re not—“

 

“Is it true?” Raphael asked— _whispered_ back. “Are you in love with me?”

 

Simon tried to calm his nerves as he said, “ _Yes._ ”

 

Raphael exhaled sharply. “I think you should go.”

 

He said it so quietly, like the tiniest of whispers, Simon was pretty sure he had misheard him. Still, it didn’t calm his racing heart. “What?”

 

“You should go.”

 

“Raphael, please. Why? Is it because I love you and you don’t love me back, or some shit like that? I don’t care. It doesn’t have to change everything between us. I—I’m not expecting you to love me back. I’m not expecting to suddenly have sex with you, or—or anything like that, just because I love you. Raphael, please, don’t let this change—“

 

“ _Simon_. Please. Go.”

 

Simon took a deep breath and slowly stood up from Raphael’s bed. “Is this it? So, we’re done just because I _love_ you and you don’t love me _back_?”

 

“It’s—I—I just can’t, Simon. Now, can you please _go_?”

 

Simon didn’t say another word. Neither did Raphael. Simon exited the house, unnoticed, for Raphael’s brothers were all in their rooms. He just hoped nobody heard all of it.

 

Nothing registered on his mind as he walked back to his own house. He was like a zombie, roaming aimlessly, searching for anything that would satisfy him. That would make sense. It was like the world around him had shut off, leaving him all alone.

 

Nobody was home at the Lewis’ house. He was alone. He went to his bedroom, and sprawled still on his bed for who knows how long.

 

 

~~~~

 

 

There were two things no one was expecting.

 

One, Simon and Raphael breaking up.

 

Two, eight weeks after they broke up, Simon started seeing Isabelle.

 

Regarding the first thing, well, everybody was. . . _shocked_. Nobody understood why. One moment they were everyone’s OTP, and the next, it went _poof._ But then, nobody also knew the real reason why. Neither Simon nor Raphael told someone.

 

Regarding the second thing, the least they could say was that they were dumbfounded.

 

For one, everyone thought that maybe Jonathan would finally have the guts to ask Isabelle out, and then they will have a date and be a couple like most of the gang. Everyone also thought that Isabelle _liked_ Jonathan. _Everyone_ also thought that Simon still haven’t moved on from Raphael.

 

What no one knew was that Isabelle saw Simon walking out of Raphael’s house, looking devastated. She then went to Simon’s house the very next day, and then, for the next hours, they hung out at Simon’s, doing nothing but watching some films and stuff that could cheer the two up (especially Simon). Hours turned to days of going back and forth from hers and to Simon’s, and days turned to weeks.

 

Then, one night, and that night wasn’t anything special, just another barbecue party in the Lightwood’s garden (their barbecue parties never get old) Simon and Isabelle walked in, hand in hand, both smiling nervously. They were the last ones to arrive.

 

Everyone stopped doing whatever they were doing and stared at the two, slack-jawed. Raphael was the first one to break his stare, and stared at the ground instead Magnus glanced away from Simon and Isabelle to cast Raphael a look of concern and worry. Half of them had a scrutinizing yet unreadable look in their eyes, and the other half looked simply astonished.

 

Luke broke the silence. “Well,” he said carefully, “I’m happy for you two.”

 

In a daze, everyone snapped out from their stupor and said their congratulations to the new couple. Raphael, Magnus, Ragnor, and Catarina stayed silent, and proceeded to act like nothing happened. So was Jonathan, but he muttered a small “Congrats” to them before heading to sit beside the four of them.

 

Of course, Raphael and Simon stayed friends, though in a casual way. But it seemed to work out for them.

 

Simon and Isabelle’s relationship continued throughout high school and college. So did everyone else’s.

 

 

~~~~

 

 

The last time Simon and Raphael saw each other was at Simon and Isabelle’s engagement party.

 

Only a few were invited. Family friends, distant relatives (which wasn’t a lot), and of course, the whole gang and a bunch of people they had befriended on college. To state a few, Maia, Jordan, Bat, a very enthusiastic Maureen, and of course, the band (Simon’s side), Will, Jem and Tessa (Magnus’ side), Emma and the Blackthorns (Clary’s side), and the Penhallows (the Lightwoods’ side).

 

The party was hosted on the Lightwoods’ garden, and somehow, they all managed to fit with spaces left (it was a big garden, and besides, it was the _Lightwoods’_ ). The party was simple, yet elegant, and it was early evening.

 

The gang was now in their mid-twenties, and everyone was fairly busy with work, but they squeezed in this engagement party in their schedule. After all, why would they miss the chance to see everyone again?

 

Everyone sat in tables grouped rather randomly. They talked about their lives in wild tones, laughed at the embarrassing moments they all seem to share, and cheered maddeningly at the soon-to-be-married couple’s childhood photos, especially Simon’s.

 

The dinner was great. There was the clatter of spoons and forks as they loaded their plates to the brim, glasses were raised for a toast to the newly engaged, and laughter erupted from any table now and then.

 

“So, Raphael,” Jace grinned, leaning to his side of the table, “are you seeing anybody yet?”

 

Everyone at the table grinned, even Raphael, as they all felt a sense of déjà vu. “Nah, Herondale. I do not have the time for that.”

  
  
“Why not? Too busy at work? Or do you simply do not have the guts to ask anybody out?” Jace said in a teasing manner.

 

Raphael smirked. “Said the guy who was too much of a pussy to propose to Clary.”

 

Everyone said _oooooh_ in unison, then laughed. Jace looked highly affronted, and Clary amused.

 

Playful comments and remarks were tossed around, and the dinner continued.

 

-

 

Magnus sighed, placing his head on Alec’s shoulder, which was a little hard, since he was taller than Alec. He felt Alec’s fingers ran through his hair softly.

 

“I just hoped that they will be happy. Especially Raphael,” he said, watching Raphael, Simon, and Isabelle talk a short distance away from them. Neither Magnus nor Alec could hear what they were saying, but their expressions were bright, to see the least.

 

Alec sighed too, then, taking his fingers off Magnus’ hair, he placed his cheek atop Magnus’ head. “So do I.”

 

That was also the last time anyone ever saw Raphael.

 

 

~~~~

 

 

Time passed. Raphael didn’t arrive at Simon and Isabelle’s wedding, and at Magnus and Alec’s, Clary and Jace’s, Ragnor and Catarina’s, though he was invited at all of them. He didn’t even show up at his brothers’ celebrations. Graduations, parties, weddings, and such. He didn’t show up in reunions, gatherings, and at Christmas, when everyone would go back to the neighborhood and celebrate there.

 

They reported it to the police, but they found nothing. Everyone searched and searched and _searched_ for years, but he _simply_ cannot be found. It was as if he vanished off earth.

 

They still tried to invite him, _ask_ him, to come to their little gatherings. It didn’t matter. He never showed up to any of them.

 

Years later, Raphael Santiago was declared dead.

 

One time, Joseph, Simon and Isabelle’s firstborn, found a picture of Raphael on a photo album filed away in a cabinet. Joseph asked, “Dad? Who is this guy?” then pointed at Raphael’s young and angelic face. It was taken by Guadalupe when Raphael was about fourteen or fifteen, and, two years previously, she made copies of it and given it to the gang.

 

Simon and Isabelle looked at each other, then back to their son. “He’s—he was our friend.”

 

The same incident had happened at Magnus and Alec’s home. Rafe had asked where his name came from, and why they chose it.

 

They gave the same answer as Simon and Isabelle.

 

Months passed, then years, then decades. They never found Raphael.

 

Life goes on.

 

 

~~~~

 

 

It was a cold night. A few stars were the only ones present in the inky sky above, and it wasn’t enough to brighten the world. In the graveyard, the only source of light was a light pole standing alone in a field of weeds and grasses.

 

Two beings—a man and a woman--stand unmoving in front of a grave—no, graves. A chilly wind brushed their bare arms, but neither shivered. They were silent, still, staring at the graves.

 

“Raphael,” the woman whispered. “I think we should go now. Camille was looking for us when we left.”

  
  
Tiny wisps of smoke escaped the man—Raphael’s clenched fist. He didn’t answer.

 

“Raphael,” the woman whispered again, more urgently this time.

 

“Lily? Do you think I should leave this behind?” Raphael asked quietly, voice small as a child’s. He unclenched his fist. A gold cross necklace lay in his palm.

 

“No,” the woman—Lily, said, “It’s your only remainder of your past life. Keep it.”

  
  
Raphael nodded, still staring at the graves. He felt a hand clasp his shoulder gently. “Come on. Let’s go. You can come back another night. I have a feeling Camille’s pissed.”

 

Raphael pursed his lips, but gave in. As he and Lily turned and walked past graves on the way to the graveyard’s gate, a tear, red as blood, streaked down his face and dripped on the rough terrain beneath their feet.

 

The stars shone brilliantly above.

**Author's Note:**

> *cringes* alright, that plot twist wasn't really part of the original plot but i couldn't resist adding it lmao. anyway, i have a few things to say:
> 
> 1\. diego santiago is a name i made up for raphael's brother; about jonathan and isabelle, i actually got that one in ch14 in CoHF; sorry again about that horrible plot twist  
> 2\. how would you guys feel if i write a trojan war/tsoa au of malec? (idk im still considering this) but if ya'll like the idea, who do you suppose should portray whom? (im already thinking of alec as achilles and magnus as patroclus, but feel free to comment your thoughts below!) (also, i know that im not that good at writing but i'll try my best if this story ever happens)  
> 3\. bonus: this is only my 3rd fanfic i've ever written and completed, so pleaseee tell me your opinions on my writing style and all that so i can improve it . thanks!


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